Author Archives: Family Man

Sugar Free Allstars – All on a Sunday Afternoon

Posted on June 13, 2012 by Family Man

Reviewed by Gregory Keer

If you ask most children, watching Mom or Dad get down with their funky selves when inspired by really danceable music is either hysterically funny or frightfully embarrassing. Well, the kids will have to deal with it once you spin this spirited new album by the Sugar Free Allstars. In fact, the youngsters will probably teach us a few moves as they party with the mix of R&B, rock, and jazz (among other styles) on All on a Sunday Afternoon.

Based in Oklahoma City, the duo of Chris “Boom” Wiser (on lead vocals, keyboards, saxes, etc.) and Rob “Dr. Rock” Martin (backing vocals and percussion) have infused their third family recording with enough brightness to light a street on a hot August night. Sparking much of the music is their love of Motown and Memphis soul as is evidenced by their “Gotta Get Up” track about starting the day, featuring Jack Forman of Recess Monkey and Shawana Kemp of Shine and the Moonbeams. “Sunday Afternoon,” includes help from Trout Fishing in America as it runs a bluesy thread through this ode to unstructured family time. A hard-driving beat (augmented by percussionist Marty Beller) and brass blasts propel “Put ‘Em Away,” which encourages kids to clean up after themselves. “Ready to Give Up Teddy” has a ‘70s groove going in this tune about moving on from a comforting stuffed animal.

Inventiveness abounds on the album as the Sugar Free pair employs onomatopoeia on “Hiccup” to explain the science of a hiccup and raises the roof with gospel on “99 Questions” to teach the truth about the value of being inquisitive to learn anything in life. Even a cover of the Talking Heads’ “Stay Up Late” feels fresh with Chris Wiser’s fatherly phrasing.

While I would never accuse these Allstars of being sugary, “Very Best Friend” is a mid-tempo song about being buddies that hits the heart. Whether it’s the heart or the feet that are affected by this recording, it is one that should be playing in your house or car this Father’s Day and beyond.

www.sugarfreeallstars.com– $12.99 (CD)/$9.99 (Digital) – Ages 2 to 11

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One of the Boys

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Family Man

By Gregory Keer

My wife complains about being the lone female in a house of four guys. She bemoans the bathrooms that have been territorially marked by boys with bad aim. She scowls at the criminal lack of fashion sense they possess. She shakes her head in futility over the pushing, punching, and head-locking the guys engage in more often than they speak to each other.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this,” she said, following a harrowing incident in which our seven-year-old chased her with a pair of socks that could have been mistaken for a round of Stilton cheese.

“I’ll never be able to pass along my Nancy Drew mysteries or my Little House books to a girl in pigtails,” she went on.

Then she glared at me. “It’s all your fault.”

This may be genetically true, in that the father determines the gender, though I’m hardly sympathetic. Growing up, Wendy was actually as much of a tomboy as a princess. Her childhood photo albums reveal a hard-nosed little leaguer, a dog lover who wrangled the Great Danes her family raised, and a kid who liked to tinker with socket wrenches. This is not to say that my wife didn’t wear dresses or try out her mom’s perfume. It’s just that Wendy is particularly well-suited to hanging with her homeboys.

For instance, it isn’t always the kids who start the rough-housing. Wendy picks fights with the boys, playfully challenging them to wrestling matches. Our youngest, Ari (7), loves it and doesn’t even mind when she pins him on the rug. Jacob (10) thinks the whole thing is just not right.

“Mommy, you’re a girl,” he says. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

To which Wendy responds by tackling Jacob, who is quickly reduced to a giggling mess.

Our 13 year old, Benjamin, has had quite enough of wrestling Mommy. He gets plain embarrassed when she tangles with him, especially because all 5’ 2” of her is competitive enough to still toss him around some.

Speaking of competition, my wife loves to coach the boys in athletics. Over the years, she’s mentored our kids in tee ball and soccer in addition to running them ragged in backyard basketball (she sucks at that sport, but enjoys harassing them on defense).

When it comes to fixing garbage disposals and door hinges, Wendy is the handy one. Ari loves to work alongside her with his own tool set, taking apart drawers and old toys for fun, showing how his engineering aptitude clearly comes from Mom.

I admit that some of these more traditionally male contributions tread on my ego as a dad. I’ve done a share of the wrestling and coaching, but when Wendy jumps in on these things, I feel a little left out. I’ve done everything from warning my wife that she might get hurt during the wrestling to nitpicking her methods on the field. And the day I tangled endlessly with the clogged toilet, reading instructions online and going through an assortment of plungers and coat hangers before I was flushed with success, I made sure to crow proudly to my sons that, yes, Daddy is a manly man who won’t be daunted by plumbing.

Fortunately, Wendy is big enough to let me work out my insecurities and deftly move to other ways of bonding with our boys. Among other things, she’s occasionally put aside her Twilight novels and headed down the path usually reserved for characters on The Big Bang Theory as she’s delved into science-fiction books and movies. This allows her to talk about aliens, wizards, and post-apocalyptic theories with Benjamin. Even in this gender blurring era, there aren’t too many mothers who can converse about wormholes and inter-galactic war.

Eventually, though, Wendy always returns to her moments of wishing she could interact with other females around the house (the dog and hamster just don’t do the trick). Frankly, I sometimes feel the same when I think of the missed opportunity to play the protective dad to a daughter or two.

But Wendy has gotten what she has always been well-suited for – a bunch of boys with whom she can put to good use all those years growing up as a girl who fit in with the guys. It’s helped her move past the occasional sexism in the workplace and it’s made her as strong as she is sensitive in other facets of her life. As a result, our boys see their mom as an example of how role models can come from both sides of the gender line. It’s the reason why this Mother’s Day is full of as many mud pies and bruises as Bath and Body Works. Wendy wouldn’t want it any other way. I know I wouldn’t.

Posted in Columns by Family Man, Humor, Marriage, Mother's Day | 1 Comment

Best Places to Be a Mom: U.S. Ranks Number 25

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Family Man

One of my favorite philanthropic organizations, Save the Children, just published its annual report on the State of the World’s Mothers. The report is intended to raise awareness about the need for health care and other means of support which mothers require to raise their children. The United States ranked number 25 in the world for its “scores for mother and child health, educational attainment and economic status.” The top-ranked nations for mothers include Norway, Iceland, and Sweden.

In a time in which our country must tighten its belt on so many expenses, it is also a time to prioritize where our money goes. On this Mother’s Day, let’s resolve to show our support for moms in this nation and around the world so that our children may be raised with the resources to help them grow healthy and strong. In this way, we can better ensure a future of healthy and educated adults who will better care for us and the world in general. As fathers, let’s also make the effort to provide for our women and our children, as caregivers ourselves. I look forward to a day when we have our own report on the status of global fatherhood.

Posted in Blog, Child Development, Health, Mother's Day, Newborns, Protecting Children | Leave a comment

What Dads Need to Know: My Seven-Year Peformance Review

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Family Man

By Heather Kempskie

I’ve been at this Mom-thing for seven years now. I haven’t had a performance review yet. No raise either. I decided to check in with my bosses (7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter) to see where I stood. What did I discover? There’s always room to improve.

Me: What is Mommy good at?

Son: Are you going to ask me what you’re bad at?

Me: Can we start with the good?

Son: You’re good at helping me clean my room.

Me: Now for the bad.

Son: You’re bad because you don’t let me play Wii every day.

Me: If I got paid to be your Mommy, how much would I get?

Son: One. One dollar.

Me: How long have I been your mom?

Son: 36 years.

Me: Can I have a raise?

Son: No. I don’t think so.

Me: Can I have some of your money?

Son. Nope. Well, maybe a penny.

Me: Anything else to add?

Son: If you let me play Wii everyday, you would be perfect. But for now, you’re still good.

Me: How old am I?

Daughter: 64

Me: Do I work hard?

Daughter: Some days.

Me: Do I deserve a raise? Some extra money?

Daughter: What? Do you think I’m rich?

Me: Am I getting anything for Mother’s Day?

Daughter: Yes.

Me: What is it?

Daughter: Can’t tell you.

Me: Give me a hint.

I better not be getting a jar of marmalade. Or could it be a pimped-out Escalade? Thank goodness this job comes with decent benefits. I get to feel the exhilaration of a goal scored by my son at a Saturday soccer game. I get to watch my favorite Disney movies over and over again with my daughter and not feel weird about it. I have Lucky Charms in my cabinet and have an excuse to visit McDonald’s at least once a week. I get bragging rights to everything my son and daughter do right. I get to blame my husband (and the traits he passed on to the kids) for all the things they do wrong. And if I continue make some improvements on the job front, I’m looking at a pretty sweet vacation in about 11 to 13 years from now.

Have a great Mother’s Day!

Heather Kempskie is a freelance Web producer with NECN and the co-author of The Siblings Busy Book.

Posted in Featured Moms & Dads, Humor, Mother's Day | Leave a comment

Family Man Recommends: Quick Picks for May 2012

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Family Man

Reviewed by Gregory Keer

The Mother’s Day edition of FMR: Quick Picks is headed by Potluck, the new album from Lucky Diaz and the Family Jam Band. This sunshiney follow up to Oh Lucky Day! radiates with warm-hearted songs about kid vehicles (“On My Bike,” starter businesses (“Lemonade Stand”), familiar mice (“Tres Ratones”), and imaginary companions (“Invisible Friend”). Making this alt-rock for kids CD even more blessed is the fact that band leaders Lucky Diaz and Alisha Gaddis are getting married this month. Lots to celebrate, especially for listeners of this great-sounding collection.

Mother of two Hope Harris takes the art of singing and songwriting very seriously. That doesn’t stop her from adding playfuflness to her musical lessons about 19th and 20th century visual artists for Picasso, That’s Who! (And So Can You!). Harris brushes her songs with Latin sounds (“Picasso, That’s Who”), jazz (“Swingin’ Little Duck,” about Alexander Calder), and French folk (“Impression, Monet”). This is a beautifully crafted and smartly researched production that charms as it teaches.

Yet another gem from the Putumayo Kids music series comes in the form of Cowboy Playground. Classic and original Country & Western songs are by everyone from Riders in the Sky (“I’n an Old Cowhand”) to the inimitable Buck Howdy (“Pecos Bill”). This is a well curated selection of fine and usually mellow pieces for new listeners and long-time C&W fans.

We head further south for the origins of the blues, the genre Gaye Adegbalola uses to deliver her tunes about manners (“Please, Please, Please, Please”), muilti-generational experiences (“Grandma & Grandpa’s House”), and responsibility “Don’t-Be-Moody-Do-Yo’-Duty Song”). A proud mom, educator, and winner of of the Blues Music Award, Adegbalola serves up “Blues in All Flavors” with purpose, passion, and humor.

I Am Happy! with Sukey Molloy is a recording that engages babies to preschoolers with interactive tunes (“I Put a Scarf on My Head”), new experiences (“Riding on a Ferry’), and soothing messages (“Be Happy Don’t Worry”). Molloy trained as a dancer before turning to singing and it translates well as she inspires the very young to move and wonder. Infant-toddler and preschool teachers would do well in using this as a soundtrack to their programs.

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Secret Agent 23 Skidoo – Make Believers

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Family Man

Reviewed by Gregory Keer

To riff off the album title, the latest effort by hip-hop kindie artist Secret Agent 23 Skidoo made a believer out of me. I’ve heard a bunch of his music and have thought highly of his work, but this new recording floored me. Full of ridiculously catchy hooks, propulsive rhythms, and fantastic wordplay, this hip-hop extravaganza is unique and classic all at the same time.

23 Skidoo, whose real name is Joel Sullivan, works from his home base in Asheville, North Carolina, and employs a bevy of superb supporting players from the area, including his daughter Saki (MC Fireworks) and his wife Brooke (Bootysattva). The end product is highly polished yet deeply personal. 23 Skidoo performs with the wisdom of a dad and the sharp edge of a seasoned pro.

The 11 tracks on Make Believers hip and hop, but also rock and sway. “Magic Beans” whirls forth with funk-infused horns and an irresistible beat as the kid-friendly rapper spins a version of the “Jack and the Beanstalk” tale. “Space Cadet” has a New Orleans spice that espouses the flavors of imagination. 23 Skidoo channels a punk-rock slant into “Brainstorm,” goes old-school soulful with “Rocketfuel,” and chops some salsa for his encouraging “Hot Sauce.”

“Nightmares Disappear” is one of the most outstanding songs on the platter, with its doo-wop vibe paired with 23 Skidoo’s remarkable verbal skill as he expands on the worries a child has at night and how those anxieties are soothed by Mom and Dad. For “Snowforts and Sandcastles,” Molly Ledford of Lunch Money makes a dreamy counterpoint to the rapper’s song of trial and hope.

Secret Agent 23 Skidoo is a rare and real artist who makes music that cuts across any barrier between genre or age. Make Believers easily earn my highest Family Man Recommendation.

www.secretagent23skidoo.com – $15 (CD)/$9.99 (Digital) – Ages 2 to 11

Posted in Family Man Recommends, Family Music, Music | Leave a comment

When I’m 100

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Family Man

By Gregory Keer

My first grader came home recently with a completed assignment called, “When I Am 100 Years Old.” For it, he had drawn a picture of himself at the century mark, looking pretty much the way he does now, but with a long gray beard. Apparently, this is all it takes to distinguish a seven year old from a centenarian.

Under the picture was his life-topping accomplishment, “I will be a riter.”

In five words, my youngest son managed to reveal a treasure trove of insight. He told me his lifelong plans. He revealed that these schemes have to do with his connection to me, the guy he sees scribbling stories. And he showed he can’t spell worth diddlysquat.

This month marks my birthday. Because I am a “riter,” I’m spending time reflecting on how I’m doing goal-wise on my marchtoward (God willing) 100 years. There are areas I’m on target with, including keeping my marriage healthy, doing meaningful work, and making efforts on behalf of social causes. Among the aims I still want to achieve are learning to cook really well, playing at least one musical instrument, speaking Spanish, living in another city (if only for a season), and improving my free-throw shooting.

Above all, the category in which I’d like to improve most is fatherhood. It’s one reason I write these self-indulgent columns that chronicle the tinkering I do as a dad. While some of this labor is just me being nitpicky, a lot of it has to do with being better at following the biggest lesson I’ve learned about parenting – my children’s lives cannot be scripted. I cannot mold them in my image or in the image of someone I’d like them to be. I can give them plenty of good materials, but they have to craft themselves.

Having Ari say he wants to be a writer is nice now, but it’s likely he’ll do something different for a living. Ari loves to build stuff and take things apart to see what makes them tick. I have zero mechanical ability, so it’s hard for me to relate or even play alongside him when he reconfigures a door handle or surrounds his bed with various pulleys and other contraptions. My job is to let him horde boxes, tools, and various bits (which drives me nuts in that he keeps his room like a junk yard), so he can develop into who he wants to be. I’m fairly certain he will be some sort of engineer, though I’m trying to keep this kind of guessing to myself.

My middle son is most like me in his passions for writing stories, remembering lots of entertainment trivia, and having his feelings easily hurt. At the same time, his penchant for taking charge of situations and doing all his homework well ahead of schedule are far from my personal tendencies. Jacob currently thinks he’ll be an artist (architect, painter, or performer), while I imagine him becoming a creative businessman. Yet, he’s so full of interests and willingness to soak up information, he may be the kind of person who tries out a lot of things out. This could be difficult for making a consistent life, but it could also mean he’ll never be bored.

My 13 year old is the most open book of my three. He loves imaginative books, but prefers computers and science over discussing human nature. He doesn’t mind sports, though he veers away from competition. And he’s efficient at getting assignments done — when he feels it’s worth his time. As my eldest, he’s borne the brunt of my clumsiest parenting as I’ve pushed him the hardest on everything from studying more to maintaining better posture. Yet, this kid is more at ease than I ever was with a variety of friends and has a better sense of enjoying the world’s simple things. I worry he may lead a fairly modest life, but I’m confident he’ll rise to the level of happiness he wants for himself.

Too much of my early fatherhood years have been anchored in feeling I only have value if I show my sons the right way to do things. It’s often made me too intense in getting them to follow instructions and too judgmental of mistakes when I’ve warned them of pitfalls. All of this has been about making me more important to them than necessary.

For a dad – or any parent – that is a tough insight to internalize. I don’t know all the right answers, and even when I think I do, there is wisdom in keeping most of them to myself. Although I am bound by the parenting code that compels me to keep my kids safe and armed with good resources, I hope to mark the road to 100 with much more observing and cheerleading as my sons grow their own gray hairs.

Posted in Child Development, Columns by Family Man, Humor, Perspective | 6 Comments

What Dads Need to Know: Fostering Initiative in Children & Adolescents

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Family Man

By Dr. Marilyn Price-Mitchell

I have to admit, I’ve grown uncomfortable with the word happiness. Used to describe a myriad of good things in life, including love, fleeting moments of joy, and chocolate bars, we often talk about it as a destination just down the road.

But happiness is part of a journey – and helping kids navigate the journey with courage and optimism is part of raising healthy children.

Alfred D. Souza made a great point: “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

Indeed, obstacles are a part of life. And often they seem endless. So wouldn’t our kids be happier adults if they learned how to overcome challenges and obstacles? These questions led me to discover the meaning and importance of youth initiative development.

What is Initiative?

The ability to propel life forward in purposeful directions, initiative directs our attention toward a challenging goal and helps us overcome obstacles. It encompasses both an inner energy and an outer action. Initiative is an important part of positive youth development.

Initiative is developed in late childhood and adolescence through mastery experiences and relationships that help kids believe in themselves. Since initiative can be used to accomplish good or evil, it also involves instilling positive values in childhood, like kindness, compassion, and empathy for others.

Initiative is developed through internal rewards, like creativity, dignity, autonomy, making a difference for others, and activities that help kids create their own futures. It is not developed through external rewards like grades, winning, awards, and money.

Initiative-Building Activities

Researchers have identified three important elements of initiative-building activities during childhood and
adolescence.

  • Kids must choose it for themselves because it gives them “internal” rewards! Examples include music
    programs    , service-learning, and a myriad of other after-school activities.
  • The activity must take place in an environment that contains rules, challenges, and complexities inherent in the real world. They must face intellectual, interpersonal, and intrapersonal challenges that go beyond grades, winning a game, and other external rewards.
  • The activity must be sustained over a period of time. Rather than doing lots of activities, it is better to focus on a few for longer periods of time so kids learn to persevere despite challenges.

Compelling Facts

  • IQ accounts for less than 25% of life success. Emotional intelligence, including initiative, accounts for the rest.
  • Boredom is the antithesis of initiative. Both honor students and those involved in delinquent activities report the highest levels of boredom in the U.S., many more than 50% of the time.
  • Kids who lack initiative are more prone to depression.
  • Children and adolescents with high levels of initiative spend twice as much time in hobbies and sports than kids with low levels and they spend more time with their families.
  • Traditional classrooms and homework, activities that account for more than 30% of kids waking hours, have limited potential for experiencing initiative.

Communication Tips that Foster Initiative in Children and Adolescents

  • When children blame, moan, or whine, turn it into an opportunity to find out what they care about! Uncover hidden convictions that can fuel initiative and action in the world.
  • Shift from a language of “Prizes and Praising” to a language of “Ongoing Regard.” Instead of giving praise for all the things children “do,” communicate appreciation for who they are.
  • Help kids learn to solve their own problems and navigate obstacles. Allow them to fail. Be a mentor in the process!

How Parents and Educators Foster Initiative through Mentoring

  • Be on the sidelines to help facilitate children’s learning.
  • Encourage children to get back on their feet after a fall – because you believe in them.
  • Be a helpful guide as children identify challenges, reflect on their choices, arrive at decisions, adjust strategies, and plans next steps. Listen and encourage.
  • Be a role model. Show them how you get things done but don’t do things for them that they can do for themselves.

I plan to spend a lot more time discussing the topic of initiative and other character strengths in future blog posts. I’d love to hear from you about your experiences as parents, educators, and mentors of young people. How have you fostered initiative in children? What kinds of activities bring the highest internal rewards? Why? How do classrooms
foster initiative? Lots to discuss! Stay tuned!

©2012 Marilyn Price-Mitchell. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.

Dr. Marilyn Price-Mitchell is a developmental psychologist and researcher. A mother, stepmother, and grandmother, she is founder of Roots of Action where she brings evidence-based research on youth development to popular audiences. She writes a column for Psychology Today, The Moment of Youth. She is president of the National ParentNet Association, a nonprofit organization devoted to building parent-school-community partnerships that help kids succeed in school and life. Connect with Marilyn on Facebook, Twitter or at www.mpricemitchell.com.

Posted in Adolescence, Child Development, Featured Moms & Dads, What Dads Need to Know | Leave a comment

April Highlights Autism Awareness and Child-Abuse Prevention

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Family Man

April is both Autism Awareness Month as well as Child-Abuse Prevention Month. Both of these concern the welfare of children and deserve our attention whether they affect us directly or not. As a father and educator, I have met a number of children who have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or autism. As I write this posting, I know I need to teach my own children more about the friends they have who are affected by autism, though we have had discussions about the need to include people with differences in our lives rather than separate from them.

The Autism Speaks site explains that, “Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors.” The site goes on to explain that “the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) identify around 1 in 88 American children as on the autism spectrum–a ten-fold increase in prevalence in 40 years.” The CDC also cites statistics to show that autism is diagnosed more commonly in boys than in girls. To learn more about autism, a couple of key Web sites include the one for Autism Speaks and the Autism Society.

With regard to child-abuse prevention, this topic is more relevant than ever, given our needed increase in sensitivity to children bullying other children. One reason bullying exists is because kids are abused, either physically or psychologically by the adults in their lives. A new book is coming out that has an interesting approach to making us all more sensitive to the subject. Written by Magdalena Gómez and María Luisa Arroyo, Bullying: Replies, Rebuttals, Confessions and Catharsis (Skyhorse Publishing, May 2012) is an anthology of stories, poems, and plays that help illuminate the experience for children, from an inter-generational and multicultural perspective.

Please share your thoughts and suggestions about these topics by posting a comment whenever you wish.

Posted in Anger Management, Blog, Books, Child Development, Health, Protecting Children, Special Needs | 1 Comment

Family Man Recommends: Quick Picks for April 2012

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Family Man

Reviewed by Gregory Keer

Leading off this edition of the FMR: Quick Picks is Invisible Friends, the newest album from Dean Jones and his Dog on Fleas trio. Jones has been putting his magic musical touch on a lot of other projects, including those by Recess Monkey, the Deedle Deedle Dees, and Elizabeth Mitchell, but it’s clear he has plenty of tricks left for this rollicking new disc. “There’s a Band in My Head” offers a zany assortment of instruments to depict what’s going on inside the singer’s noggin. Other clearly audible (if not visible) good stuff includes the well-supported (by superstar kindie-rock vocalists) “Peapod,” the unusual “Fortunate Mistake,” the aptly named “Party,” and the toe-tapping “Has Anybody Seen My Shoes?” The collection is upbeat, eclectic, and simply terrific all around.

Mo Phillips is an offbeat performer who records in lo-fi (from what he calls his “secret ninja laboratory in Portland, Oregon”). Monster Suit sounds like this musician, dad, and educator is performing right now in your garage. Drop the needle down on such songs as the early-’60s-style “The Worst Party Ever Thrown,” the inclusive tale of “The Princess and the Cowboy,” and the strange but catchy “Rollerskate Banana Peels.” This is a disc that will sneak up on you and make you sing along for your kids. Trust me, you’ll all be better for it.

World of Wonder comes from singer-songwriter Alison Faith Levy, a longtime member of the kindie-rock ensemble The Sippy Cups. She’s got a strong and true voice as evidenced by her work on The Pretenders-like “Like a Spiining Top,” the lovely “Three Tulips,” and the swaying “I Had a Rooster.” World of Wonder fits the preschool set nicely with its messages and lessons, though the deeply felt music can transcend any age bracket.

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