By Heather Kempskie
I’ve been at this Mom-thing for seven years now. I haven’t had a performance review yet. No raise either. I decided to check in with my bosses (7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter) to see where I stood. What did I discover? There’s always room to improve.
Me: What is Mommy good at?
Son: Are you going to ask me what you’re bad at?
Me: Can we start with the good?
Son: You’re good at helping me clean my room.
Me: Now for the bad.
Son: You’re bad because you don’t let me play Wii every day.
Me: If I got paid to be your Mommy, how much would I get?
Son: One. One dollar.
Me: How long have I been your mom?
Son: 36 years.
Me: Can I have a raise?
Son: No. I don’t think so.
Me: Can I have some of your money?
Son. Nope. Well, maybe a penny.
Me: Anything else to add?
Son: If you let me play Wii everyday, you would be perfect. But for now, you’re still good.
Me: How old am I?
Me: Do I work hard?
Daughter: Some days.
Me: Do I deserve a raise? Some extra money?
Daughter: What? Do you think I’m rich?
Me: Am I getting anything for Mother’s Day?
Me: What is it?
Daughter: Can’t tell you.
Me: Give me a hint.
I better not be getting a jar of marmalade. Or could it be a pimped-out Escalade? Thank goodness this job comes with decent benefits. I get to feel the exhilaration of a goal scored by my son at a Saturday soccer game. I get to watch my favorite Disney movies over and over again with my daughter and not feel weird about it. I have Lucky Charms in my cabinet and have an excuse to visit McDonald’s at least once a week. I get bragging rights to everything my son and daughter do right. I get to blame my husband (and the traits he passed on to the kids) for all the things they do wrong. And if I continue make some improvements on the job front, I’m looking at a pretty sweet vacation in about 11 to 13 years from now.
Have a great Mother’s Day!
Heather Kempskie is a freelance Web producer with NECN and the co-author of The Siblings Busy Book.