Mom's Night Out

By Laurie McDermott

"Why do you have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Put on your make up." My husband, Brad, tilted his head at me confused, like a dog hearing a high-pitched whine.

"You're the first one to say I scare small children without it."

There was a pause in our conversation as my husband stared intently at my reflection in the mirror. "Are you sure you're going out with the girls?"

"Well, I know your convinced Shelly is a man, but everyone else going tonight IS a girl."

"Why do you have to look so pretty then?" Brad sulked away from me like a child who was just told they couldn't have a slice of their own birthday cake.

I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. He was right. I did look good. No, better yet, I looked...hot. That very thought made me giggle out loud.

"What's so funny?" said the man from the other room trying to tackle and force screaming children into their pajamas.

"What's so funny?" said the man from the other room trying to tackle and force screaming children into their pajamas.

"Nothing," I said touching my head of clean-smelling hair as if it were spun gold. I liked this woman who put on makeup, nice clothes, and even fixed her hair. She's someone I get to see so rarely.

One night a month, every month, I go out with other moms, as my husband and children watch in sadness. Every time I leave I feel guilty. But what should I feel guilty? I stay home with my children and am on duty 24 hours a day. Once in a while, Mom needs time to play or she will become a very dull lady living in an insane building far far away.

"Why don't you dress like that when we go out?" my husband said, trying to pick a fight so I'd feel guilty and stay home.

I smiled, "The last time we went out I dressed like this."

"No way!! I can't even remember the last time we went out!" The words were out of his mouth before he realized what he just said. Scared of my response, Brad dashed out of the room to answer the doorbell.

My friend, Cindy, had come to pick me up and looked just as good as I did.

Brad took this opportunity alone with Cindy to quiz her, "Who's all going out tonight?"

"Just a few girls."

"Is everyone married?"

She laughed, "Ha! Yes, Brad, I mean "Dad," we're all married?and I'll have her home by 11!"

"Cindy, Brad's just worried we're going to have fun without him!" I yelled as I walked down the stairwell.

"Well, isn't that the point?" Cindy looked amused. Brad looked annoyed.

"I just don't understand you guys going out once a month, every month. Doesn't it get old? What do you do on a Mom's Night Out, anyway?" Brad asked.

Cindy and I exchanged glances like we hoped the other knew the answer. Without saying a word we looked back to Brad.

"You're kidding me? You're not going to tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell."

"Sure there is! The moment you walk out this door, what do you do?"

"We go to dinner, we talk, we eat, we talk, we drink..."

"Boy, do we drink!" Cindy added.

"We talk?"

"That's it? That's so boring." My husband was getting frustrated.

"Not for us," Cindy and I chimed together.

It was quiet for a second while my husband waited to see if it was okay that he asked another prying question, "Do you talk about husbands?"

Feeling like sorority girls holding back secrets just for fun, we laughed. "We talk about husbands and even about what they do!"

As Brad gave us a nervous smile, we howled and turned to leave.

Moms need Mom's Night Out for one reason: SANITY! We need mental relaxing time. Not to sit and read a book or watch TV with our hubbies or the kids after it's dark, but time to talk to other moms and girls who are going through the same problems and travesties that we all are going through.

Mom's Night Out saves us from being boring, it saves us from feeling alone in our troubles, it saves us from thinking life is passing us by, it saves us from feeling we're being too mean to our men because we're too stressed out.

All moms need this. If you want to know what happens on a Mom's night out...become a mom. Otherwise, be quiet and let us out for a few hours. We'll come back, we always do...and maybe, we'll come back even more appreciative than before we left.

Laurie McDermott is a mom of two, stand-up comic, and author of the new book CEO of the House. She can be reached at www.lauriemcdermott.com.