Ask Mr. Dad: Middle School Readiness - By Armin Brott

A: Get ready for a pretty fun ride. Moving from elementary school to middle school is going to be one of the biggest transitions of your daughter’s life -- at least until she moves on to high school. Fortunately, you both have a few years to prepare for that one.

At age 10 and 11 -- about the age when most kids start middle school -- kids are still kids. Although they’re slowly testing out their independence, they still depend on you for support and help. The problem is that middle schoolers are also starting to grow up and they’re entering a world where it’s going to get increasingly hard for you to provide either of those things. Instead of being right there to monitor your child’s friendships and activities, you’re going to have to learn to trust your child to do the right thing at the right time, which may be a frightening prospect.

Whatever your discomfort with the change of schools, it’s going to be aggravated by the big “A” appearing on the horizon: adolescence. Girls may be just beginning to develop breasts and grow pubic hair, might be looking immensely dreamy, or might even have started their periods. Boys may look a bit squarer in the jaw, or be sprouting all kinds of body hair or pimples.

You may not be able to necessarily verbalize your concerns, but it’s still perfectly natural to harbor all sorts of anxieties about the impending changes. After all, you were a middle schooler once yourself and you probably remember exactly how painful and unsettling this time of life can be. That inner knowledge can make your angst about your child’s change of school worse.

If you can, try to relax. Start by reinforcing a process that, hopefully, started when your child was very small: Let her know that, no matter what, she can come to you for help and advice anytime and about anything. And let her know that you trust her. If she truly feels that you do, she’ll be a lot less cautious about sharing secrets or worries with you. At the same time, try to keep your anxieties to yourself. Whether she admits it or not, your daughter is already plenty nervous about middle school, and seeing you worry will scare her even more.

Finally, just as in elementary school, it’s critical to keep in touch with your child’s new teachers. Keeping those e-mails going back and forth will help you stay on top of your child’s academic and social progress. If you and the teachers are in regular contact, there will be a lot less room for misunderstandings or unforeseen problems to arise. And don’t be afraid to use those teachers as a resource. Middle school teachers deal with young adolescents all the time and hopefully understand their frailties and concerns quite well. Accept that your children will be fine, and that, with you there to help them, everything will eventually fall into place -- whether it’s homework, scheduling, or a broken heart.

Hailed by Time Magazine as "the superdad’s superdad," Armin Brott has written or co-written six critically acclaimed, groundbreaking books on fatherhood, including the recent Father for Life. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post, and dozens of other major publications. Armin has been a guest on hundreds of radio and television shows, including Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and "Politically Incorrect," and his work on fatherhood has been featured in such places as Glamour, Time, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, Newsday, and many others. He’s also the host of "Positive Parenting," a weekly radio program which airs live in the San Francisco Bay Area and is also available on the Web. A father of three, he lives in Oakland, California. You can contact him at Armin@MrDad.com.