Top 3 Issues for Women
In writing Babyproofing Your Marriage we asked hundreds of women how having kids has impacted their marriages. Most of them, no matter how happy they were with their growing families, said there were a few things they'd like their husbands to know. Here are their top three:
1. The Ten O' Clock Shoulder Tap
All over the country exhausted wives are subjected to The Tap - considered by many men to be a form of foreplay, considered by most women to be anything but.
"Here it comes...the paw! Does he think that's a turn-on? He does jack s#*t to help me out, then expects me to take care of him? We hadn't even had a conversation! What am I, a 7-Eleven? Open for business at his convenience?" - Janet, married 8 years, 2 kids
"I wish my husband knew how tired I am after dealing with the kids. Sex is the last thing on my mind. I'm barely functioning and he's standing there at the end of the day, tapping his foot and looking at his watch." - Jennifer, married 9 years, 3 kids
2. He Just Doesn't Get It
Another source of many wives' frustration: "My husband just doesn't get it!" "It" being the phenomenal workload, the pressure to be supermom, and the need for a domestic partner, not a helper. Do you feel like your life drastically changed when you had a baby while your husband just took a couple of days off from work? You are not alone.
"In the early days, my husband would come home with comments like, 'Why don't you just nap when the baby naps?' or even better, 'My mom had kids. Your mom had kids. Why does this seem so much harder for you? I mean, c'mon, it's just one baby. What's the big deal?'" - Kara, married 6 years, 3 kids
"Why am I the only one in the house who knows where the pacifier, wipes and sippy cups are? Where the hell has he been living for the last three years?" - Rachel, married 6 years, 2 kids
"What does he want, a gold star for emptying the dishwasher?" - Elizabeth, married 4 years, 1 kid
3. The Mom Pie
Women often feel that there is not just enough of themselves to go around. With each additional child, everyone gets a smaller piece of The Mom Pie. Of course, there's also that big person lurking around the house looking for his piece of pie, too.
"Everyone wants a piece of the Mama."- Vicki, married 5 years, 2 kids
"My life is very well balanced if you exclude myself." - Anna, married 6 years, 2 kids
Top 3 Issues for Men
Here’s what the guys we talked to said.
1. The Bait and Switch in the Bedroom
Once they have kids, most men feel like their wives pull a Bait and Switch in the bedroom. Women's sex drive can be drastically affected by motherhood; the men's typically stays the same. Guys told us their wives don't understand how important sex is to them.
"After kids, everything changes…we're having sex about every three months. If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if its oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license."- Ray Romano, comedian and father of 4
"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. We have a great marriage. I'm a pretty easygoing guy. I can deal with finances. I can deal with problems. I can deal with 'issues.' I can't deal with no sex." - Harrison, married 8 years, 2 kids
2. It's Never Enough!
Dads across the land say that no matter what they do, at home and at work, it's never enough, and certainly never good enough, to satisfy their wives.
"I get zero recognition for work. It doesn't matter how tough a day I've had. I walk in the door and I have to be on." - Phil, married 7 years, 2 kids
"So I took both kids and went to Costco. Just sucked it up and did it, just like I thought she wanted me to. Did I even get a thank you when I got back? No. Instead she went through the shopping list and sighed and told me I forgot the detergent and the plastic cups." - Frank married 7 years, 3 kids
3. What happened to my life?
As much as guys love being dads, they can feel the leash tighten around their necks as their family grows.
"I don't even bother to plan anything on the weekends anymore because my wife has already planned every minute -- on Microsoft Outlook, no less." - Joel, married 10 years, 4 kids
"Now it's official. I'm one of those sad bastards at the airport pushing two kids in the double stroller, the baby in the backpack and fifteen pieces of luggage. I'm the family pack mule." - Dean, married 8 years, 3 kids
Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill, and Julia Stone are the authors of the bestselling book, Babyproofing Your Marriage. They have at least two kids each and have had many successes both at home and in the workplace, so they know the issues of modern parents. To learn more about the book, visit www.babyproofingyourmarriage.com .
