After your wife/partner completes the task that Carol Burnett once described as feeling like you’ve taken your lips and pulled them over your head, you have some work to do to help her recover and assume your role as new papa. Following is a brief list of some of the things that can be very helpful for all of you after the baby is born.
1. Take Paternity Leave
Be sure to take time off so you can be with your wife and baby as soon as they come home. Two weeks is a good standard to follow, but take as much time as you can because there is a lot to do as a new father and what you do now will not only ingratiate you with your wife, but will help you bond with your baby. Conversely, if you can only take a few days off, take them, again because every moment counts. For more info on the Family and Medical Leave laws, check out the Web site for the Labor Department.
2. Help With Rest and Feedings
Your wife/partner is going to be exhausted and her body needs time to heal, so help her get some rest by taking turns feeding the baby a bottle of pumped breast milk or formula (depending on what you, your wife, and your doctor have decided) throughout the night and day. Even if your wife wakes up and says, “I’ll feed the baby,” be sure to take your turn anyway so she gets her shut-eye. Her body will be much more tired than yours. Once the baby is fed, if he/she needs to be walked around the house or rocked back to sleep, take a regular turn at that as well for your partner’s sake. Feeding time is a fantastic bonding opportunity for you to hold your baby close and provide sustenance to your little one.
3. Take Care of the Meals
Prepare the food for you and your wife. Even if you suck at cooking, make simple meals and order healthy take-out food. Do this for at least a week, then keep helping with meals or staying in charge of them because this is a huge assistance to your partner.
4. Schedule Friend and Family Visits
Likely, many people will visit your new family and this can beleaguer your wife. She will probably want to keep her energy up for the grandparents and friends, and may even feel compelled to “host” them with food and entertainment. Take the lead on scheduling the visits so as not to overwhelm your wife and child and you, for that matter. Two visits, spread out over the course of the day should suffice, though the first day or two will perhaps include more people at one time. Do not feel you are being rude to ask people to leave, or at least warn them that the visits need to be brief. Be the family “bouncer” and you’ll spare your partner wear and tear.
5. Realize It’s Not About You
A lot of dads feel left out once the baby arrives. Yes, you are relegated to the number three. You won’t have sex for a while, that’s for certain since it’s usually medically prohibited for six weeks or so. And yet, you get to watch late-night television while feeding the baby and take walks with your infant, showing him or her off to the neighbors while you let your wife sleep at home. Still, you should continue to communicate to your wife about your feelings and needs. Just don’t expect a lot of attention at first. Instead, take pride in your role as dad because the gains outweigh the losses.
