Q: I’m going through a really busy time of year and have not been terribly “active” with my two kids (ages 3 and 7), lately. Sometimes, I just sort of sit there while they play on their own. I’m feeling guilty about not doing more stuff with them.
A: Our image of the perfect parent often looks like the guy who’s always playing ball, teaching the multiplication tables, and telling stories while doing handstands. It’s not reality, by and large. You, like me and billions of other parents, have only so much energy. It’s impossible to be on as a dad at all times.
What we battle with is the feeling that time with our children is so precious that we want to get every minute we can with them and that they want the same with us. But, you need time to recharge, maybe even get away from the kids for an afternoon. It may be enough to restore your energy so you have more quality time when you return to the little ones.
The other key point involves “do nothing time.” Just being in the presence of your kids can give them a sense of security and closeness that can be as positive as having a full-bore conversation or playing Go Fish with them. Obviously, it may be unfulfilling for you and them to just be sitting around together all the time, but a good mixture of more kinetic interaction and passive hanging-out time is just fine. It also can teach your kids the value of down time (which they often call “boring”). Some passive, relaxing activities you may want to do with your kids include looking at books independently, but in the same room; watching a ballgame or movie on TV (it’s OK in small doses – bonding happens in front of the boob tube, too!); and listening to music without doing anything else at the same time.
