Brain research, let alone centuries of history serve as testament to the many differences between men and women. However, the “battle” that has been waged can and should end. Yes, we make inroads with humor and well-studied tolerance, but we still fall into the traps of insecurity that allow us to often ignore each other’s need to be understood. We even fight over who needs more help, males or females.
So, we have work to do, especially as parents, if we want our boys and girls to be respectful and loving of each other.
One man who I believe is doing amazing work in the area of gender studies is Michael Gurian (author of, among other titles, The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls). In a recent newsletter from his Gurian Institute, he wrote:
“Clearly, both our sons and our daughters need our help. Why can’t we give them both that help, at once? A number of readers asked that question this week. I don’t know if I have the answer, but have an answer: Men and women entered a volatile divorce fifty years ago. Our civilization’s approach to gender still trembles with the pain and rage of that divorce. For some people, saying the word “men” without saying the word “women” means oppression of women. For other people, one gender (generally girls and women) get such special treatment, boys are left to fend for themselves, a condition that leads to their early death, and to a lack of physical safety for our civilization.
”I am a boys’ advocate and the father of two daughters. I am a girls’ advocate and a man who remembers being a lost boy in our American culture. I build theory and practice now as a professional in hopes of caring equally for both genders. I know this truth: gender equity is not ensured by governments, schools, and others funding girls’ and women’s programming at much higher rates than boys’ and men’s; simultaneously, gender equity is not ensured by businesses and others protecting male hierarchical systems more than they fund girls’ and women’s initiatives.
“Both genders need us to end our divorce rage. They need us to stop holding our boys and girls hostage to competition for resources. They need us to focus on the specific areas of distress in which each of our wounded children live. If we don’t grow together in this way, huge numbers of our boys and girls will not find purpose, resources, healthy relationships, and workplace success. And many boys and girls will not survive to have or care for children of their own.”
