One of my very favorite mom-writers, Rebecca Jones Alfano, has written a gorgeous story about being a mom in a blended family. This new narrative, called “You Have Her Beginnings,” is so wonderful, I’d rather not spoil much more than to tell you to click and read something that will make you cry and feel glad there are parents like Rebecca in this world: http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/11/21/you-have-her-beginnings/ .

A new study finds that, in two-parent working households, fathers have a bigger influence than mothers do on the language development of children between the ages of two and three. Before this finding (http://interestalert.com/brand/siteia.shtml?Story=st/wk/10310000aaa006ba.nw&Sys=doctordebi&Filter=Top%20Stories&Fid=TOPSTRYS), concluded by a group based at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, most of the previous research focused on how mom’s affect language. 

This further proves that dads are essential to the growth of their young children and that they can be significant to their children’s language acquisition. In addition to simply being involved in the care of their kids, it highlights the benefits of talking around and to the little ones. Certainly, reading is a directly beneficial means of teaching children language, but it’s also important that dads ask kids questions and act as a “tour guide” while they take care of them. Verbalize the steps involved in diapering or sharing toys or preparing lunch — every word counts.

I was fortunate to join in on the efforts of some of the family-music world’s most devoted supporters — ranging from Stefan Shepard of http://www.zooglobble.com to Kenny Curtis of XM Kids — for the first annual Fids and Kamily music poll. We all ranked our top 10 CDs of 2006 (the albums had to have been released between 11/01/05 and 10/31/06) and the results are now up at http://fidsandkamily.blogspot.com/. Topping the poll was Justin Roberts’ Meltdown, Elizabeth Mitchell’s You Are My Little Bird (see my review at http://www.familymanonline.com/recommends.php?id=27), and Dan Zanes’ Catch That Train!.

I’m planning to post my list of favorite CDs next month, so watch out for that. In the meantime, you can listen to a brand new song from Charity and the JAMBand, one of the Kids and Family’s highest vote-getters and my pick as the family CD of the year. Listen to the Thanksgiving themed tune at http://www.jamjamjam.com/thankyou.html.

Bruce Powell, a wonderful educator and father, explained how he gets his whole family involved in philanthropy. I’m going to paraphrase his words, so I hope he’ll forgive me if I miss some of the details. Throughout the year, Bruce collects the various donation requests he gets in the mail, then calls a family meeting to sort through the options around the holiday season. After he and his wife establish a charitable budget, the kids contribute to the decisions on how much to give each organization. Along the way, the children learn about the causes and feel more empowered as they help fund them. Because we have so many choices about where to put our donations, this seems like both an organized approach and a teaching opportunity that’s worth its weight in gold. Whether you have $100 or $100,000 to give, this is one way you can help some folks while modeling social action to your kids.

We just got a progress report for our eight-year-old. He received good marks, but an “N” (for Needs Improvement) for repeatedly turning in messy homework. He’s only eight, so I don’t know how much I need to get on him about this. He can’t wait to be done with his homework and takes just a modicum of pride in how legible it is. He loses points for the messiness, and this could be a problem as he grows through school (I’ve seen plenty of the results of careless work with my high school students). Is this something I leave completely to his teachers or do I keep making him redo his work at home? I don’t want him to hate me or his homework anymore than he already does! Your thoughts?

In the aftermath of Halloween, I’m still thinking about all of those scary movie posters touting the horror films that are rushed out for the season. It’s not the only time frightfests are marketed — and amusement-park billboards for Halloween events should be included in this discussion — but I’m just wondering if parents should be speaking out more to discourage the advertisements that feature teeth ripped from tortured heads (from Saw III) and depictions of terrified women being held down by a grimy male hand (from The Hills Have Eyes, released earlier in the year)?

Look, I still cling to most of my feelings that the media should not be so heavily blamed for the way our children behave, but I do think that marketers should show some consideration for what children see while driving in the backseats of cars. I know that many teens and adults love to be scared and are effectively prompted to see horror movies based on the ads, but younger kids are getting truly spooked by the posters and billboards. One friend of my son’s was traumatized by that eerie ad from Silent Hill, last spring. His parents try to keep him from seeing anything else like that, but it’s nearly impossible with media coverage the way it is.

I’ve written about this topic before (see http://www.familymanonline.com/columns.php?id=6) and do respect the realities of the marketplace. Yet, would it be possible to ask marketers to restrict these horror ads to grown-up magazines and TV after 9pm (understanding that some kids still might see them)? I would just like to see the ads a bit less accessible.

For now, I’m limiting my discussion of advertising to horror movies because making horror acceptable to our kids is the most disturbing pattern. Still, sexualized ads and ads with guns blazing are also disconcerting. Mind you, I don’t want to legislate against any of this. I just want to stir up a bit more discussion, which might lead to influence that will result in making these elements less available to my young children. Any thoughts and suggestions on this topic would be much appreciated.