A while back, I wrote a piece called “Taming the Hulk Within,” in which I aired my struggle with keeping cool, especially around the kids. In talking to other parents, it seems anger management is one of the most common regrets we have. For me, it’s frequently about the feeling of not being able to control my children’s behavior, which is followed by my frustration with what’s really worth controlling in them, which is followed by the feeling that I do not want to be a wimp with my whining child. The ideal is to be calm in directing my children, but there are all these stressors that I allow to fray me. Financial restraints are probably the biggest culprits at this point. So my children hear me yell way too much. The good thing is that my kids know I love ‘em. Yet, I’m still looking for ways to put the chill in my hot-headedness.
A recent study acknowledges what I and many other parents go through. A LiveScience.com story explains that, “Having children was also associated with angry feelings and behaviors, such as yelling, particularly in women, the survey found. ‘There’s obviously a lot of joys and benefits that come with parenthood,’ but other aspects of parenting, such as having to discipline a misbehaving child, can cause feelings of anger and annoyance,’” said study researcher Scott Schieman.
It’s interesting to note what the study said regarding women and yelling because I hear more about men yelling from the dads I speak with. Whoever is doing it, we all have our work cut out for us. Especially during the holidays, when extended family, spending issues, and more time with the kids will put added weight on our emotions. These days, I’m trying to allow myself to leave the room rather than keep trying to control the situation. I also find that talking over possible upcoming stressors with my wife helps me head off some of what triggers my anger. The goal is to feel better about myself and to role model for my kids how to handle emotions. It helps, not all the time, so I keep searching for every tool I can get.
How about you all out there? What do you do to keep calm?
Romi Lassally, Editor in Chief of the Truu Confessions sites (including True Mom Confessions), is distributing a weekly rundown of highlights from her sites. The concept is for people to unload their thoughts about what really matters in life in an anonymous way to form communities of people supporting each other to make it through all the nuttiness we experience. One example: Not So Quiet Time - “If I thought I could actually do it comfortably, I would go to the bathroom and try and take a nap while sitting on the toilet.” Check out this week’s list.
In the world of TV, things happen fast, so read the following and, if you know someone in Los Angeles who can call the number below today, you could be a tube star before you can say, “Gee, these strained carrots look good on my button-down shirt.” By the way, the show correspondent mentioned below is likely to be the beautiful mom and TV personality, Brooke Burke.
Tim Palazzola of the the daytime medical show, The Doctors, is helping produce a segment on family health; they are looking for Stay At Home Dads to participate.
Specifically, they are looking for a Stay At Home Dad that has more than one kid (ages 1 - 14) that is some what new to being at home during the day and has questions/ concerns about managing the household while his wife is at work. They have a special medical correspondent that we would like to send to that dad’s house to help him get things in order. The feeling of the piece is very positive, triumphant, and fun.
They are looking to start work this week, so any interest is appreciated. Call 323.956.8627 for more information. Good luck, dads!
Mike Austin, a great guy with a golden voice and six kids, hosts an Internet radio program about fatherhood. The Wisconsin resident and publisher of the Radio Dad site has had me on a couple of times and the most recent one covered the topic of being a dad in difficult financial times. Take a listen to episode #7 at Mike’s podcast page and let me know what you think.
While baby and mom undergo the more strenuous physical experience when it comes to childbirth and the initial few months following the big event, men also go through a lot. The emotional effects of new fatherhood can manifest in everything from mild stress to severe depression, so it’s important for the guys to take care of their own health for their sake and that of their family. On this week’s Family Matters with Tracey Serebin, Tracey and I talk about ways for men to stay healthy and in sync with their changed lives. Tracey’s interview with me on her Internet radio program runs 30 minutes, following her segment with Dr. Shoshana Bennett, who covers mom’s health. Log on to the new installment and click “Listen Now” or “Podcast.” You can also read many of my suggestions for dad’s well being under the Ask Family Man section of this site.
Man, it’s going to be tough for President Barack Obama and Michelle Obama to stay consistent, but I continue to be thrilled to have these two as parenting models. The Chicago Tribune reports that, among the family habits the Obamas follow are reading regularly to their daughters and having a date night for each other. They may be raised on a pedestal by some, but there is a lot of down-to-earth living going on there that makes us realize they have many of the same challenges we do.
Each year, I stumble to the finish line of the 12 months and look forward to a fresh start. Regarding resolutions, most of what I want to improve or change in my parenting life is not new — which says a lot about my success as a resolver. I still want to manage my temper better and get in and stay in shape, among other goals. This year, I want to spend more one-on-one time with each of my three kids. One note I am trying to keep in mind is that I should not expect perfect resolution and not worry what others think. I need to accept small victories and celebrate improvement.
Lisa Belkin, who writes the “Motherlode” blog at the New York Times, has her own thoughts on New Year’s Resolutions. What are a couple of your own goals?
Seeking a little extra help with our often overly revved up family life, my wife submitted an application to a reality TV show called Real Life Real Simple. The program took us on and the production was a very good experience, mostly because the producers and crew were some of the nicest and most helpful people we could have hoped to meet in this situation. They even assisted us during our crisis with our son’s dog bites. This Friday night (November 21), at 8/7 C, our episode airs on the TLC network. We have not seen our installment of the show — just the audition tape – so we’re nervous to see how chaotic our life looks on TV.
Every year, my wife and I debate how many extracurricular activities we and our kids can handle/want. We want to expose them to sports (our kids need the exercise with PE so minimal at school), the arts, and more, but how much is too much? The driving around alone is a huge time-suck. Where do the costs outweigh the benefits? We also want to be fair with our sons so no one has much more extra stuff than the other, but the little one has gotten the least this year, so far.
Readers, how do you manage the extracurriculars? What’s your cut-off point? How much do you let your kids help you decide? How many activities should a child have during the school year?
