With its candy-colored emoticon graphics and remarkable ease of use, FaceChipz ™ serves as a holiday gift that will outlast most of the presents parents might buy. This is because it offers something its grown-up counterpart, Facebook, cannot — a community made of kids with abundant safety features and no chance kids can wander to inappropriate pages or have inappropriate adults trying to log on to their profiles. Because of this, it allows kids to be children and parents to breath easier if they are concerned (and there’s plenty of reason to be worried) that Facebook is just not safe enough — even with some decent protective layers that parents can use — for their sophisticated grade-schooler, tween, or teen.
The FaceChipz ™ team has collected every safey certification imaginable (including the Socially Safe Seal of approval). And collecting is a key mechanism for the social networking site. Here’s how it works: Once a child signs up for FaceChipz ™ with a parent (both must have logins), the child can set up a page at which the kid can chat, play games, get e-mail, share pictures, etc. To get a friend to join, the child must purchase and register the code of a FaceChip, which looks like a poker chip only cuter. Then, the child can deliver or send the chip to a friend, who also registers the chip. In this way, only a child given a physical chip by another child can be a friend on FaceChipz ™. This kind of safety does have a price, albeit a small one, as the FaceChipz cost $7.99 for a pack of 5. But the concept is ingenius because it incorporates kids’ love of collecting with high-end Web technology. You can also earn points with the FaceChipz ™ with which kids can buy stuff on the Web site.
This really is a terrific invention that is already growing quickly and will continue to evolve to keep up with kids’ demands. As a sort of a bridge between Club Penguin and Facebook, it makes a safe home (kids can even block members who are mean to them) in a world of social networking that is a staple of contemporary children’s lives. It’s an indoor activity worth checking out, particularly with the extra time many of us will have over the holidays and the cold winter months.
My eldest son and I are huge fans of the Alex Rider young-adult books by Anthony Horowitz. It’s a rare series aimed at boys that puts the protagonist in a young James Bond position while still grappling with the issues of growing up. So, we’re going to pass the coolness on to you. The first person to offer the name of their favorite young-adult novel at the blog entry about Alex Rider books will win a copy of the new Crocodile Tears: An Alex Rider Adventure.
A few years ago, I sought the counsel of Dr. David Swanson when my wife and I needed more help with managing our parenting challenges. Swanson was down-to-earth, non-judgmental, and incredibly direct in his advice, which we use to this day. Now, any parent can access Swanson’s insights by reading his new book, Help–My Kid is Driving Me Crazy: The 17 Ways Kids Manipulate Their Parents, and What You Can Do About It. Part of what makes Swanson such a valuable resource — in addition to being a husband and father — is that he treats children, teens, and families as a whole. Even though he’s writing for parents who are beleagured by their children’s use of negotiation, self-victimization, and emotional blackmail, he’s also firmly advocating for the well-being of the children. This book can really help adults feel better and stronger in their efforts to parent their kids.
Many of you have kids who are teenagers or are getting there all too fast. With this in mind, I am teaming up with the Mom’s Choice Award winning site, Radical Parenting. Writer-publisher Vanessa Van Petten brings teen writers to topics about parent-child communication, online safety, and more. I will present articles by her writers on my site and she will offer some of my work for the teens to read. Check out my first posting for them, Middle Earth…
My oldest son is entering middle school and I’m wondering who tinkered with my clock? Wasn’t it just the other day that I was in middle school? Wasn’t I so afraid of talking to other kids that I lugged a heavy book bag to avoid locker conversations and never showered after PE because of embarrassment? Wasn’t I too clueless to appreciate the smiles of Jaynee Strickstein and didn’t I choose to sit alone in my room reading about The Hobbit’s Middle-earth?
For me, reality is sinking in. I’m middle-aged. And if my son’s transition to the next level of school isn’t symbolic enough, there are other signs. Two icons of my junior high years, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, prematurely exited the world. My back muscles spasm if I look the wrong way. Facebook reconnects me with friends and pictures from my elementary through high-school years (did I really part my hair in the middle and wear such tight swim trunks?).
I stop the 8-track rewind to consider my first born. The one who had baby thighs like the Stay Puft marshmallow man and giggled hysterically when I crawl-chased him through our apartment. The one who liked to flash his size 4 superhero underpants to everyone because he thought he was cool. The one who just yesterday learned to read the picture book George Shrinks.
As a high-school teacher and advisor, I’ve been working with teenagers for years. Now I’ve got teens from OnTeensToday.com reviewing my Web site, as evidenced by my appearance on the list of the top 50 dad blogs (yay, me!). Vanessa Van Petten, who has literally written the book — You’re Grounded! — on the teenage view of contemporary parenting, publishes a growing site that addresses what 13-18-year-olds think about their lives and their relationships with their moms and dads. Van Petten herself has become a highly sought-after expert on teens for publications such as the Wall Street Journal. Whether you have a teenager or are on your way to living with one, OnTeensToday.com can give you a window into everything from discipline that works to what vocabulary they’re using.
Thank you to Vanessa and her teen interns, Juliette, Rachel, and Steve, for your kinds words: “Love his tagline, which says what this blog is all about: ‘Connecting to the heart of fatherhood…day by day.’” Its kid feedback like this that makes the day by day part worth it…and it’s something I’ll show my own children when they’re complaining about me in their teenage years.
Almost a year ago, there was the story about the elementary school child suspended for hugging a teacher (http://www.familymanonline.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=41). Now comes the recent report that an Illinois middle school has banned hugging on its campus (http://cbs2chicago.com/topstories/local_story_271193938.html). The school principal says the hugging in hallways was holding up the progress of kids going to class and that some of the embracing between boys and girls was often “too long, too close.” Oh, and another thing is that the school frowns on high fives.
What the heck is going on here? Is school, especially middle school, not alienating enough without being told that hugging is wrong? Are they going to ban close-dancing at dance fests, too? Please tell me that middle school adminstrators are busy enough with ensuring great, safe education rather than picking on adolescent friendliness and mile affection. I understand the need to get kids to class, but banning hugging is just going to distance kids from the adults even more. We need MORE hugs and should be teaching kids about appropriate affection if we are worried about crossing boundaries.
Tomorrow at 12:40pm (PST)/3:40pm (EST), tune in to the FOX News Channel for my thoughts about co-ed sleepover parties. This is becoming a more common practice for parents of teens in which the parents feel that as long as they supervise closely, this can be a fun get-together. Are these parents completely forgetting what they were like as teens? Adolescents will find a way through any loophole in supervision to do something sexual or sneak a beer. Parents can find something else to show they trust their teens than allow this kind of party powderkeg.
This is a subject that just will not go away, especially when we’ve got young female celebrities flaunting their wares minus underwear (yes the rhyme was intended). Newsweek magazine’s new cover story called ‘Girls Gone Wild: What Are Celebrities Teaching Kids?’ (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16961761/site/newsweek/) investigates the growing influences of such attention grabbers as Paris Hilton as Britney Spears on teens, tweens, and maybe even younger girls. These young ladies — their attire (or lack thereof, behavior (worthy of rehab for some), and their fabulous wealth — cast quite a spell over young girls thinking there is power in copying the celebrity image.
Realistically, girls have been imitating naughty celebrities for a very long time. In fact, boys have been doing the same, mimicking rebellious male youths. I’m willing to be corrected on this, but the difference is that the bad-girl celebs are more overtly displaying their sexuality and the guys seem less so. A lot of this has to do with the feeling that girls can wield more power with their body parts, while boys are still granted certain authorities merely by being male.
I’ve discussed this issue, in part, back in October, with regard to the sexiness of Halloween costumes (http://www.familymanonline.com/?p=30), but some of the comments bear repeating. We have to deal with the ubiquitousness of the Lindsay Lohans (who has tremendous talent and beauty, in spite of her often outlandish behavior) and understand that we can still teach our girls to respect themselves in order to gain respect from others. We have to educate our daughters from an early age, because the bad-girl influence is reaching younger and younger girls. We parents have to be firm about the clothes we buy our daughters and what we allow them to wear, even if they protest. We also have to model the appropriate clothing and behavior we want from our children and point out other good role models in the media and everyday life for our children.
As a pretty open-minded person, I understand that we need to accept the right to free expression from celebrities and even our kids. It’s difficult to not sound like a fuddy-duddy when I recommend modesty in dress and behavior. And it’s hard to answer those kids who say that I’m doubting their ability to control their own bodies and prevent others from seeing their attire as an invitation for sex, be it wanted or unwanted. But I’m also a father who wants kids to be kids as long as possible and to find all the glorious ways they can still exert their power, from doing well in a classroom to starring in the school play. Perhaps one way to engage our girls is to use humor and poke a little fun at the falseness of these famous images. Get to know the details of the celebrities and converse with our children. Tell them about our own fallen idols. And, for parents of sons, teach the boys to value and praise girls with self-respect.
There’s so much more to say, and I will, yet I do want to hear your thoughts. Is this really much of a problem? How can we deal with it?
In November, I helped surpervise a trip to the American South on what was primarily a journey to retrace the steps of the Civil Rights movement of the ’50s and ’60s. Being a big-city boy from the West, I really did not know much about the South and what I knew of Martin Luther King, Jr., and his colleagues came from school, books, and movies. The journey, led by teaching colleague and experiential education guru Mark Shpall, was awe-inspiring from the civil rights perspective. We met African-American Baptist ministers who marched with King and made many of the early sacrifices for racial equality. We planted our feet at the stop where Rosa Parks got on that famous bus. For me, the most difficult moment was standing inches from where King was murdered at the Lorraine Motel (now a National Civil Rights Museum) in Memphis, Tennessee.
But the really touching part was being with my high-school students, kids so far removed from that tumultuous time. They were contemplative in the museums, captivated by the speeches, and fascinated with getting to know some of the people of the South. Their response to the trip showed that they were deeply affected by the spirit of King. The experience made them more aware of the need to model and advocate for even greater tolerance and open-mindedness in this country and beyond.
Of the many places we visited, one of the most impressive was the supremely informative Civil Rights Memorial Center, run by the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) in Montgomery, Alabama. The SPLC does legal work on behalf of those severely affected by discrimination and hate crimes. They also publish a Web site called Tolerance.org (http://www.tolerance.org/) and a magazine called Teaching Tolerance that is a terrific tool for parents and teachers of young people. In the new issue, they discuss the Japanese internment camps of World War II and recommend ways to educate children of those with mental illness. At the Web site, of relevance to MLK Day is the piece on explaining racisim to a preschooler (http://www.tolerance.org/parents/kidsarticle.jsp?ar=55).
Because we’re hardened by fate twisting in the wrong direction in kidnapping cases, this story is utterly astonishing. In Missouri, 60 miles outside of St. Louis, two missing boys were found alive in the home of a 41-year-old man (http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/01/12/missing.boys/index.html). Shawn Hornbeck (now 15) and Ben Ownby (13) vanished 4 1/2 years ago from locations roughly 40 miles apart. The details are still forthcoming of what went on while the boys were detained by a man described as a pizza restaurant manager and part-time funeral home director. If there are terrible specifics of what occured during the boys’ stay with the abductor, we must not lose sight of the blessing their recovery brings.
The renunion of the parents with their boys was one of elation all around. Hornbeck’s family had committed themselves to helping other families find their missing children while they themselves held onto the dream of finding their son. If there’s such a thing as good karma, the Hornbecks clearly made some of their own. Ben Ownby’s uncle told the AP news service that, upon seing his parents again, the boy’s “eyes lit up like silver dollars.”
